We have way too much leftover candy and it's all my wife's fault

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 11/01/2018 at 11:27 • Filed to: None

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My neighborhood, which I moved into this year, put out flyers about organized trick or treating hours and activities. Because of this, I thought it would be popular, and bought a big bag of candy to give to the kids. I still have the overwhelming majority of that candy.

Our neighborhood is all 3-story townhouses. The flyer suggested setting up shop in your garage/driveway so the kid s didn’t have to walk up the big front steps at everyone’s house.

The 1st floor is the “basement,” with our garage, laundry/utility room, and we have the big open space set up as both our main tv watching room and home office.

The 2nd floor is kitchen, dining room, powder room, entryway, and another living area with our smaller tv we call our lounge. Everyone’s front door is actually on this 2nd floor, but the entryways are a half-flight of stairs down, so while the front steps are tall, they’re not crazy tall.

W e wanted to hang inside and watch a scary movie and eat pizza, not sit out in our damn driveway waiting around for kids. Thankfully, t he alternative option suggested by the flyer was to turn on your porch light and decorations to indicate you were welcoming trick or treate rs. So we figured we’d watch tv in the lounge to be closer to the front door.

I decided , ok let’s put the jack o’ lantern at the bottom of the steps, put on the porch light, and some front window lights. Our entryway has windows on either side of the door, and the other front windows are our kitchen.

But, for some inexplicable reason the entryway light is on the same switch as a hall light close to our lounge area, and my wife didn’t want that hall light on. I said the kids might not come by with all the front lights out, but nooo , she was like, “the porch light is on like the flyer said, it’s fine!”

So our house had a porch light on, a jack o’ lantern at the bottom of our front steps, and no other damn lights in front to indicate someone might be home.

We got 1 pair of kids who came by for candy.

There was an older couple on our block who did set up chairs in their driveway to meet kids, and at the end o f the prescribed trick or treat hours, I went outside to get the jack o’ lantern. They were talking with someone else about the relative lack of kids coming around, but they talked about a few clusters of kids who made the rounds and the parents were grateful. It would seem those groups of parents didn’t realize our house was open for business.

Feeling vindicated, but knowing better than to go into TOLD YA SO mode, I gently informed my wife about the conversation I overheard, and she was incredulous.

Now I have a shit ton of candy left over. Next year we gotta put the damn entryway light on, hall light be damned! We’ll just watch tv downstairs and I’ll run up to greet kids. Gotta put this athleticism to use somehow!

benjrblant > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:35

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Yeah! Blame the wife! T hat’ll go over well.

(=

vicali > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:40

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As the accompanying parent trying to wrangle kids door to door last night I would have sent them up. Any decorations at all means I’m releasing my kids..

Our house is on the non-sidewalk side of the street and in a line of no-candy houses.. We put all our lights on and I had strobes in the pumpkins and full window decorations.. we ended up getting 26 kids.

So not only do we have a ton of candy we didn’t give out - but the kids brought back another ridiculous pile..

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:41

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Next year why not just set up a TV in your garage and hang out with the garage door open? Lots of people were doing that yesterday in my in laws neighborhood. Set up fire pits in the driveway and everything

Textured Soy Protein > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 11/01/2018 at 11:43

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That is much more effort than I’m willing to make. 

Arrivederci > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:43

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We ended up having maybe 50 kids come by last night, which is pretty low for my neighborhood. Last year we definitely had more. What is this new thing about sitting out in driveways giving out candy? I heard folks at work talking about that.

Damn kids - get your lazy butt up to my door for your free empty calories!

Textured Soy Protein > vicali 11/01/2018 at 11:45

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Yeah, there weren’t a ton of houses on our block doing candy. There were moree on the other blocks.  The third option was to just put out a “help yourself” bowl of candy which a couple houses did, but I was like, nahh, gotta at least greet the kids even if it means them walking up some stairs. 

Textured Soy Protein > benjrblant 11/01/2018 at 11:45

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I’m not blaming her  to her face, I’m (mostly) anonymously publicly shaming her!

vicali > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:49

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The Finders Keeper bowl never works..

Actually we came across a few bowls but passed because kids eating candy from strangers is enough of a rule break - kids eating candy they find in a bowl on the ground is one step too far..

bob and john > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:50

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at least its good candy.

Nom De Plume > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 11:51

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Basing this on your highly apparent sci-fi interest. A candy dispensing robot the little buggers can’t abscond with.  Un like that innocent hitchhiker that got vandalized beyond repair a few years past.  

Textured Soy Protein > bob and john 11/01/2018 at 11:51

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That’s the problem though! I’m gonna eat it all!

bob and john > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 12:13

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this is what you go to the gym for. 

DipodomysDeserti > Textured Soy Protein 11/01/2018 at 12:36

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Prescribed treak or treating hours and flyers telling people how to hand out Holloween candy? Are there a lot of residents from places that don’t celebrate Holloween?

DipodomysDeserti > Arrivederci 11/01/2018 at 12:40

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I’m in my thirties and people have been doing that since I was a kid. One street near me has a whole BBQ with all neighbors outside handing candy out. It’s a good opportunity to hang out and get to know your neighbors.

Textured Soy Protein > DipodomysDeserti 11/01/2018 at 13:18

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Perhaps , this is DC. I’m in the close-in burbs but it’s still a very diverse area. My neighborhood is a little residential nook tucked into the edge of a country club, but right off a main road and very close to a metro station, so there’s a lot of commuters who work downtown.

( Or it could be the HOA.)